Wednesday, February 17, 2010

Querying

I was talking with my friend, Eva, who is about to start querying her "words cannot describe how fantastic her novel is" novel, Broken, the other day about queries. And it got me to thinking (haha, that's funny, huh?) about queries and querying.

So, for the fun of it, I thought I would see if I could write a query of my own. Because it's easy, right? Ha! And, after about five minutes of beating my head against a wall, (all to write a fake query for a book I haven't even written yet) I decided to take a different approach.

Here's a little look at my genius query:

Dear Poor person who actually has to read this,

I am seeking representation for my novel that is a whopping total of fifteen pages long. Yeah, I know. It's an epic saga. I like to leave the details up to my readers imaginations. It's a trend I'm starting. It'll be big. Just wait and see.

Anyway, my story is about a girl named Emelyn (how cool is that name?) and she is super sad because her jerky boyfriend broke up with her (for reasons that still remain a mystery to me).

Oh, and most importantly, this book has many hot-tastic boys that span the fifteen pages. I think that pretty much says it all. Hot boys... 'nuff said.

I'll be waiting for your call. I know you'll be breaking down the door to snatch me up quick. And if you reach my voice mail, please just leave a message. I'll probably be out spending the millions I know you're going to give me for this blockbuster hit.

Sincerely,
CRAZY WRITER

Now that's how to write a awesome query letter that is guaranteed to catch an agents attention (by making them laugh hysterically, or course)! Isn't it great?

So yeah, writing queries is hard. Maybe harder than writing a book. I'm not to that point yet, thank goodness. But, even with that being said, I can't wait to start querying!

We must always remember:

"Nothing worthwhile ever comes easy." -- unknown


Have a great day!

41 comments:

  1. It did catch my attention.. lol and could imagine how hard it would be to write a query letter. Good luck to you and your friend with this.

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  2. ha! very funny. I do like your 15 page novel based query.

    I'm about to enter Club Query in the next month or so and nothing terrifies, or excites me more!

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  3. "epic saga" love it *laughing hysterically* this was super fun! If query letters were that honest and bold I think several more people would be in the running!

    I'm glad I'm not to that point yet either, I've got awhile to figure out all the details before it's truly time to fill in the blanks!

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  4. What's wrong with a 15 page novel??? I'd totally read it. Especially if it had pictures.

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  5. Hot boys? Possibly pictures if Summer has a say? I'd like totally read it, fer sure.

    Wrote my query a couple weeks ago after much agony and tears. I am going to suck it up and send out the first batch today. Maybe.

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  6. As formulaic as queries can be, they do seem harder to write than the book. It's definitely not easy to sum up an 80-90K word manuscript in a few sentences. Wishing your friend the best, with many requests for material!

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  7. LOL to your query!

    And Broken does sound pretty sweet. Good luck to your friend!

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  8. This was too funny.

    Sadly, if you follow Query Shark's blog, you'll see worse queries, and they're not even trying to be bad. I've submitted one, and hope/dread it getting chosen as bait.

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  9. I still think that is the most hot-tastic query I've ever read! Future best seller! By the way, you totally rock!!!!! Wow, I used way too many exclamation points in this comment :)

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  10. Try beating your head against a wall for months instead of five minutes. I've decided to just steal yours and send it in. :P

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  11. Ha, that was great. XD Your posts always me laugh or at least smile. Thanks. (: I'm so looking forward to Eva's book too. It's gonna be awesome.

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  12. Love this. Good luck with that :)Oh and I love her name;)

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  13. Hey, what's wrong with a 15 page novel? I'd buy it;)

    By the way, a HUGE thank you for the award yesterday! Sorry I didn't comment. Blogger decided it hated me last night and would not let me comment on anybody's blogs. At least it's being nice now:)

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  14. It certainly did take a while to write my query. And even though I just sent it out to a few agents after several revisions, I imagine I could improve upon it...

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  15. Kimberly - Nice name, by the way. Yeah, I don't look forward to writing those query letters. At all. : )


    Sara - Haha... it's funny, but I don't think many agents would approve. Good luck on your Query club. It sounds scary. : )


    Jen - LOL! What? You don't think my query would work?? LOL.

    I'm so happy I have time before I have to start writing any of those... queries. : )


    Summer - OMG... I should have added the in there that there will be lots of pictures.

    LOL... I love the way you think! : )

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  16. Tara - Haha... yes, pictures. I think Summer might know me a little too well.

    Good luck on your queries!!!


    Joanne - Aww... thanks. You're so sweet. : )


    Kristan - I guess you can always count on me for a laugh! LOL. I'm glad you liked. : )

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  17. Theresa - Worse than this? And not even on purpose? What?? That's crazy. Good luck on your query!! : )

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  18. Eva - LOL! Yes! Definitely hot-tastic!!! I think it may just do the trick. And you totally rock to!!!

    Exclamations are fun! (I always use them way too much too.) : P

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  19. So I guess I'm ousted if I like writing them? Yeah, all right. I know I'm like, weird or something.

    But I'd read a book with hot guys. Just sayin'. :)

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  20. DL - Ouch. I bet your head really hurts by now. Especially if you want to steal mine. : )

    But I'll allow it. Good luck!!



    Gavin - Oh, Gavin. You have no idea how awesome! Have a great day!!! : D


    Christine - Thanks! You're really too sweet. : )


    Melissa - I hold you to that when I come to sell you my 15 page novel.

    Blogger hates me all the time. No worries. Congrats on your award! Happy to have you back. : )

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  21. Kelly - I imagine there's always room for improvement. Good luck with your queries! : )


    Elana - I love that you love writing queries. But you are totally weird! : P

    And like I said, hot boys... 'nuff said!

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  22. Hilarious! As usual!

    I've written so many versions of my query until I got one I was comfy with... but I'm sure if I showed it to someone who knew something about queries they'd mark all over it!

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  23. Kristin - LOL! Thanks! And I'm sure your query is fantastic!!! ; )

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  24. Great letter. :) I'm here following you from Nicole's blog.

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  25. Sarajayne - Thanks! And I'm so happy you stopped by. : )

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  26. Hi!
    Come check out my blog:
    hungergamesseriestheories.blogspot.com

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  27. Ha! I would totally agent this book! (If I were an agent, and it's probably a good thing I'm not, otherwise, books like this would litter Barnes and Noble.) Awesome, thanks for the laugh today :)

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  28. And Kim THIS is why I love you so much! If only querying was THIS easy and fun!

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  29. Shae - Aww... thanks. You're a doll. ; )

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  30. Tiana - LOL! It's a good thing I'm not an agent either, because I would be doing the same exact thing. LOL. : )

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  31. You seriously had me laughing out loud. No lie.

    And...it's sheer genius.

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  32. Tiffany's right, you did. And me too! Loved it. And Elana may be weird for liking the query writing, but she's also brilliant at it.

    Great post! Now come write my synopsis for me!

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  33. Tiffany - Thank you, thank you. LOL. : D Feel free to use my query for inspiration. LOL. ; )



    ChristaCarol - Umm... did you just see my query??? LOL. But hey, righting a synopsis might be fun. I'll give it a try! : )

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  34. 15 pages? You could call it a novella or, my preferred term, a novelette.

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  35. possibly the best query I've ever read!!! HA! Love it!

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  36. Lalena - LOL! You make me laugh!!!


    Kristi - I know, isn't it great? Sometimes I amaze myself. : )


    Corra - Thanks! I need to remind myself of this sometimes too. : )

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  37. I wish I had the guts to send something like that, just for the heck of it. If I were an agent, it would make me smile and perk me up for the day, I think.

    I know some authors who have made their (serious) queries more interesting by adding some humor. Maggie Stiefvater, who wrote SHIVER, posted her query letter that got her an agent on her website, and it was incredibly informal. I was actually really surprised. So many being funny/informal is okay sometimes.

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  38. KM - You don't know how much that info makes me smile! Queries scare me. Thankfully I'm not to that point yet because I'm not ready. : )

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  39. people leave chocolate like that?

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  40. Haddock - Haha... you know what? I sure hope not! ; )

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